Okay so I got back from Wisconsin and barely had time to play with my animals and get reacquainted with my deliriously beautiful girlfriend when I had to turn around and get on another plane this time for some godforsaken island in the middle of nowhere. It sucks! This place sucks ass. I’m here for a job we’re doing, a top-secret design for a restaurant. Here are some reasons this place sucks so bad: For one thing Olga isn’t here which totally sucks. For another thing the natives here are a bunch of indolent savages. Also, I’m kind of trapped here in this creepy old house that’s way up a gigantic mountain and every morning I have to eat breakfast with this old guy and his wife and there’s nothing to do here but go surfing which is a horrible thing, to me that’s like standing on the water in the ocean on a board and why would anyone want to do that? Or else you could go snerkling but that’s just like putting a tube in your mouth and then inhaling great gouts of salt water through it. For another thing is, the food here sucks being mainly composed of cracked seeds, or fried gristle, or just simply ice. So anyways I decided to walk down the gigantic mountain and it was a super long walk and I barely got to what passes for civilization when I had to turn around and go back. And when I finally got there everyone was all like, why ever would you want to walk down the mountain? Also the coffee here tastes sort of funny like it’s been brewed from a filter full of dust.
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