We all hopped into Bryant’s super-cool vintage VW bus and zoomed down the freeway to the special beach called San Onofre, which is named after the nuclear power plant there. As far as we know it is the only nuclear power plant with breasts. Another cool thing about it is, Bryant says that it makes the water toasty warm. I was super tired because for some reason I had hardly slept the night before so I lay down on a blanket and promptly fell asleep. When I woke up there were all kinds of super-cool people there such as Skippy and his super-foxy girlfriend Annie and David and even Derek Zola was there although he just sat on a rock gazing at the middle distance, and it was a regular beach party. Then Krisztina who is Bryant’s super-foxy girlfriend and I went surfing and there I was, sitting in the middle of the water on a board like an absolute idiot. Every once in a while a wave would come along and knock me off and I’d flop around like a mackerel until I was back on the board, bobbing gently in the waves like I’d been brained with a stufflebeam. I’ve learned that the thing I like best about surfing is not surfing, such as sitting on the beach smoking super-skunky pot. So in that sense you could say that I enjoy surfing very much. I had a bottle of sunscreen that was kind of old and was more like the consistency of 2% milk and I guess in all the ensuing hilarity I forgot to put it on effectively. Because what happened was, this morning it turns out that I have two bright-red pectoral stripes along both sides of my torso like a trout. I wish the Green Sea Turtles could see me now because I have a feeling that they would appreciate this look. That reminds me, I was telling bryant’s super-foxy sister Emily about the turtles and she asked if I could show her the special dance and I dismissively said “Fffh! Not above water!” But the more I think about it the more I feel the time has come to reveal this dance to the aquatically-challenged public which is what I'll be doing tomorrow night at the Shortstop which is that smoldering funky slow-motion ass-shaking joint down the road. |